Kirstin: I did this because it’s an homage to the first Nigel recipe I ever cooked, my first risotto. It was mushroom and tarragon, or something. In 1994!
Miles (suddenly appearing from nowhere): Mummy, where is your oesophagus?
Kirstin: Shall I show you a picture of it? (Reaches for anatomy textbook)
Tom: I didn’t think I was going to like this. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of leeks. But it was yum. I’ll eat anything with pancetta in it.
Kirstin: But there was so much of it! Enough for two? Two enormous people, maybe. It could easily be a starter for four. And personally I’d have put more pancetta in it.
Miles (pointing at the textbook, a gruesome book of pictures of dissected cadavers from Kirstin’s medical-school days): Is that the oesophagus?
Kirstin: No, that’s the aorta.
Tom: It’s a good thing I’ve finished eating. That’s enough to put you off your food, that is.
Miles: When somebody is opened, why is everything this colour?
Kirstin: Because that’s the colour you are inside. This is rubbish, I can’t find any pictures of the oesophagus! There’s a little bit of it there, going into the stomach.
Miles: Where’s the stomach acid? I want to see a brain!
Kirstin: Why do you want to see the brain?
Miles: Because I love the look of it! It looks like a piece of cauliflower!
Tom: Good thing this wasn’t cauliflower risotto.
Kirstin: Here we go! Look! Sliced up brain.
Miles: It looks like a piece of cauliflower!
Tom: So, cauliflower and brain risotto. How about that for a recipe?
Kirstin: With eyeballs. Look, there’s an eyeball!
Tom: So, would you do this one again?
Kirstin: No. It’s not special enough. But if I did, I’d halve the quantities, except for the pancetta, which I’d double.
Tom: You can never have too much pancetta.